Your Vulnerable Little Girl

Your Vulnerable Little Girl

• Sunday, March 10, 2013

I know that one day, we will see each other. I know that one day, I would hear you say how proud you are even though I have been a disappointment sometimes. I know that one day, I would hear you speak. I know that one day, I'd meet you again.

My dearest amah (father), as I listen to this nasheed, I can only think of noone but you - that joy in your heart when you first heard the doctor said that you and Inah is having a child. That mini disappointment you had when you learned that I am a girl. However, you managed to get through your desires and just be thankful that you finally are having a child, that you are just so happy to finally be a father - the man of the family. THE ONLY ONE.

You have been a huge part of my early days on earth. Though, you kept your distance in the later years, I know you were practising me to be independent. However, you were and are still keeping an eye on my deeds and deen.

I know the everlasting and unending love you have for me and inah (mother), how you kept on reminding us to be thankful of Allaah and to be the best we are for His sake. The battle you have fought, that very one that kept on haunting us up to this day. How you've strived hard not to put the pressure on me. How you've handled everything perfectly without causing trouble on my part. You never even showed surrender even though it's already painful to fight on your part. You are just amazing.

My vulnerability has caused me so much distress lately. And I am getting all the strength from you and inah. These hardships are nothing compared to the ones you've experienced yourself. And the battle is not yet over. Whenever I am almost to surrender, I am reminded of your love and care. I am reminded that you never have surrendered even though it was a matter of life and death. How hypocrite of me to surrender to simple worldly things such as this one. This is just a minor trial that tests my strength. And I am not going to let it eat me.

I have you, inah and most of all, Allaah. His plans are better than mine. I trust him. I know that you are with me in this one. No matter how hard this is for me, I would try my best in every aspect. I am sorry if I sometimes break down and cry. What else is in store for a girl,eh? They are just a minute part of the universe. Allaah is with us. In this fight, I can only see Allaah.  Allaah knows best. I trust in His plans for me. I just pray for the best.