In Between Sadness and Glee
Lately, I've been such a drama queen. I don't know but there are times in your life that you feel unloved. Most of the time, I have happy and rocking thoughts that makes me feel blushy. Somehow, today is different.
It started when I was listening to good old Tausug music. The first song, Kamatay Di Masulang by Indah Wal, reminded me so much of my parents back when my father was still alive. I felt the sadness that my mom is going through every morning she wakes up without having to see the
love of her life beside her. Though she seems and acts okay, I know there is still a moment wherein she misses him badly.
Like what Irfan Makki said in his song, "Why should a wife see her husband die?"
When a topic about my father is brought up, I see the longing of my mom. I see how she has lost a part of her. I see the love that is still there. It's heartbreaking. It's worsening. But, it's what keeps us struggling to do our best. It is the strength we hold on to.
Let me turn into my side of the story. I was a daddy's little girl. When I started highschool, my dad seem to have distanced himself from me. Maybe because I was a growing girl already. Probably to make me independent. I don't regret what he did at all. It made me stronger. It made me stand on my own feet.
My dad has been diagnosed of Pancreatic Cancer last 2003. Since then, my life seems shattered. My mom has always been with him in Manila. I had to study all on my own at the age of 11. I had to manage my money. I had to take care of myself. At a young age, I had to go through all that. Somehow, I am still thankful because I learnt to be so-called independent. I can still remember how I usually cried at nighttime back then because I missed them badly.
Now? It's more than just missing my dad. Because he cannot come back. This longing shall turn into an inspiration to strive harder for the best. It has been more than three years since my father died. Truly, I am blessed to be his daughter.
InshaAllah, when we meet again in Akhirat, he will be proud of me. And when I meet my soulmate, I'd love it if he would have the characteristics of my father.
that's sad to hear sis.. I'm thankful that I still have my father. it's really sad losing the person we love. In our family, we lost my brother at a very young age. But it's okay, we'll see them again someday. And I salute you for being independent at a very young age. Studying on your own and all. Living far from your parents. Is it hard sis? I've been wanting to be on my own for a year already but my parents won't allow me to leave and look for a job in other places. I just wish soon. Very soon.^^
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this is so sad :(( i think i wanna cry. :(( bigla kong namiss ang papa lp. he's in jeddah and two years siya pabalik balik. i don't know the exact feeling when you lost someone. pero i can feel your longing for him.
ReplyDeleteaww... i miss my father too... he works in manila. my mother works abroad so were here on our own. I can't imagine how devastated i would be if i were in your position sis. I admire your courage. Your strong and indeed independent. I guess things like these happen we'll just have to accept them and move on, and use this as an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your story :)
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aww. that's a sad stroy. :( Well wherever he is I know he's proud of you. And you'll always be his girl.
ReplyDeleteSame here, gusto ko yung magiging asawa ko halos kapareho ng papa ko. No one beats fathers. Right?