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Born This Way



As you all know (for those who know haha), I have made it through high school and garnered the top most spot of the batch with more than 20 awards in my 2008 commencement exercises. That moment has been my moment of a lifetime. It was the moment that I cried in front of hundreds of people for my Valedictory address.

Many people have watched me go back and forth from receiving medals, awards, and trophies on that day (bragging aside). Those people are somehow expecting a lot from me by this time.

Today, as I watch myself go through college, I am missing that old self. I miss the me who often open books and always makes it to the top. It's not that I can't take the hard subjects but it is due to laziness. I haven't even read a good book for the last 15 days.

I have made a promise to study this summer but all of those words faded. Somehow, it is this attitude that I want to get away from. It is this attitude I want to move out of.

Sometimes, I lack courage to let my idea stand out of the rest. No matter how huge and great the idea is, I cannot let it out. I never have seen myself this low-esteemed before. What had happened to me? Why am I so introvert nowadays? Where is the girl who never lets a contest just pass her face without winning it? Where is that girl? I hope she comes back because, right now, I need reinforcements.

No, I am not born to be just what I am right now. I was born for something better. And you bet, I will find that out and get out of this shell that has blurred my confidence.

4 comments:

  1. Oh I feel for you sis.When I graduated elementary I was the salutatorian, but when I entered high school I changed to the point that I almost cut classes. Good thing my teacher pushed me through my limits that I actually planned a revenge to show him that I ain't stupid and he always knew that I can do better. I did so from that time. That's why I am really thankful to him.
    Don't worry I know you can return to that old you and maybe even better :)

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  2. Maybe you're just having more fun in college? Or wanting to experience more than just academics? I felt the same way as well... I could see my GPA decreasing through the years. Hahaha.

    College requires some level of adjustment and it depends on the person. Some of my friends got into the groove immediately. But I took longer. It took me about a semester to fully adjust as I missed high school terribly. Once you get through that hump, things will get back to normal... or better. Just wait and see! :)

    Good luck!

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  3. Aw you must have been so proud! And there is no reason you shouldn't continue to be proud of yourself. At least you know your weaknesses and know what you must do to correct them. So do it girlie! However, don't be too hard on yourself. I had a 3.9 in high school and after my first semester of college it was a sad 2.5 to see! But you must realize everything is a growing process, a transitioning process...heck in college everyone is talented. Just focus on MAKING IT and not always over achieving :)

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  4. Hah, I can relate ^^ actually, since elementary. In my elementary days i was a goody goody kid who aced her exams and always recited which is the very contrary of me in high school and especially college. But maybe we're just missing something.

    I know you can do it sis! Let's try and just let yourself find the missing pieces :) Think positively :D

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