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My Cup of Tea: Badmouthing Others To Feel Better About Yourself

There were quite a number of gossips about me that was able to somehow reach me in all these years of existence. Through time, I've learned to just let them pass because gossips will always be false. Why? For me, almost 100% of gossips are already mutilated. Whether the original statement be true or false, there are always addenda and subtractions to and from the original by the badmouthers. 

Bad mouthing is simply bringing others down thereby creating an uneasy environment.  According to Psychology Today, there are three reasons why people get away with badmouthing:

  • It is a route to social power. - Badmouthers essentially make an environment that is positive to them. They gain advantage from this kind of surroundings. This is why they are risky to deal with.
  • Badmouthers exude confidence, a basic catalyst to social success. - Accordingly, it takes confidence to be able to put others down. Basically, badmouthing makes them feel more confident about themselves. 
  • Badmouthers may find themselves in leadership positions. - This is one of the crucial aspects in life that people may sort to badmouthing their competitors. Over the years, badmouthing has been the go-to strategy of some of those vying for a position or rank or status. 

I don't think I am better than anybody else. More so, I don't think I have created a name for myself yet to be the subject of speeches of people. This is why I find myself wondering why there are still gossips about me in this time and age. 

What makes badmouthing and gossiping more frustrating is when the people behind it are your friends and colleagues. Telling others that doesn't personally know me about my life story and specifically making me look bad will not in anyway make you look any better. It is also unfair as I don't have the capacity to defend myself in that situation. 

I always try to not care what people talk about me behind my back. I know that some of them talk about my recurring travels, online presence, appearance, status, etc. Although some may be good, but there will always be bad ones. 

I am always trying to give people a thousand excuses for the bad act I perceive them doing, and then carry on with my life. As much as possible, I refrain from talking ill about other people, especially on their appearances and wealth. It is a waste of time and energy to gossip about people and their lives. Although there are instances that I might fall into the pit, but most of the time, I try my hardest not to. I hope any pray that my 'friends who badmouth' also try this.

With this said, I leave you with an excerpt from Mufti Menk's lecture.

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